Below are the 16 most recent journal entries recorded in bets44's LiveJournal:

Sunday, June 12th, 2005
1:06 am	ASHLEY!!!! To Ashley (because somehow I lost your email address)..... I'm back from Florida, so that means we need to do something sometime, but we should probably wait until after I get my piactures back so I can share them with you! (CAR WASH!!) Sorry I didn't spend the night with you after graduation...its just that my sister starts med-school again Monday which basically means I'll never see her, so spending the evening with her was something I felt I should do. We'll (you and me) do stuff all summer though, right???? :-) Anyway, its 1 am so I'm going to bed! Talk to you soon! Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
Monday, March 14th, 2005
9:50 pm	Prayer Request!! Don't have much time to write, just wanted to ask anyone who can remember to pray for my grandpa and also my family this week. He was diagnosed with colon cancer yesterday, and has a baseball sized tumor. He has surgery on Friday to get it removed and to see if it's spread anywhere else. I think it's really hard on the kids (my dad, and all of his siblings) because my dad can't even seem to talk about it, and I've never really seen him that way. He just keeps quiet. It's strange. So if you remember at all, pray for my grandpa, especially on Friday! Hope everyone has a wonderful week!!! Current Mood: drained (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, January 7th, 2005
7:21 pm	Piccalo Launcher..... Who knew? Well, so in DL today I said I hate pepband. I think I want to rephrase that now....I hate playing the pepband music (only some of it), and playing for the entire game....however....I had more fun tonight than I've had in a LONG LONG LONG time!!! Let me first just say, its so much fun being the one everyone thinks is INNOCENT...because almost everything we did tonight was my idea!!! :-) But, because I never do anything mean or bad....well, that people know about anyway :) ...no one suspects that it's me! It's great! Ashley had candy wrappers, so I took them and blew them out of my hand. Well, I dont really remember...I think that part was Ashley's idea. But then I stuck it in my instrument and blew it out. It didnt' go to far, but far enough to hit Chris. It was quite entertaining. Ashley figured out that her piccalo shot them further than my oboe did, so we took turns trying to hit Alex....and we succeeded MANY times. He kept trying ot hit us back, but he just wasn't good enough!! :-) :) It takes a pro to master the "piccalo launcher". It was amazing. We did it for almost the entire second game. We hardly played any of the songs. We tried to aim for Sternberg, but never got it that far. We'll have to practice at the next game. Practice makes perfect afterall. And then, Alex put his pizza by Ashley, and I told her to put a starburst wrapper in it, and she changed it to a Starburst itself. Then he saw it, so when he left, I told her to put a pepperoni over it so he wouldnt' see it. Well, it worked:) What a great idea. And see, Alex, you had no idea it was MY idea, right? That's the great part..... no one ever suspects the INNOCENT one!!!!! :) :) :) Ashley just brings out the BEST in me :) ....the "wild" side! Anyway, my point is, tonight was the most fun I've had in a LONG time.....so thanks Ashley! And I look forward to the next game!!!!!!!! Current Mood: entertained (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 23rd, 2004
11:45 pm	SNOW! Can we say sledding everybody? I LOVE SNOW! Happy Days are here again! YAY FOR SNOW! Current Mood: distressed (Comment on this)
Friday, November 12th, 2004
10:17 pm	I hate life. Really right now I feel like there's not even any reason to live. There's nothing left to live for. I know that sounds awful, but it feels true. Honestly if I didn't have God in my life, there really would be nothing to live for, because right now, He's it. And I'm not even good at that! Yea, I hate life. Current Mood: depressed (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 28th, 2004
3:09 pm	Sad...... Depressing, gloomy, miserable, cheerless, heartbreaking, distressing, heartrending, poignant, moving. That's all I've got for now. I really don't feel like writing. Sorry. Current Mood: sad (Comment on this)
Monday, October 25th, 2004
9:55 pm	I know I already put this in my DL, but I really like it, and it's been on my mind lately, so for lack of anything better to write about, I'm gonna put it here too..... "Someone out there is meant to be the love of your life, your best friend, the one you can tell your dreams to. He'll smile at you just because the thought of you together drives him wild. He'll wipe the tears away from your eyes and send you flowers or little notes when you need it most. He'll stare at you during the movies, even though he paid $8.50 to see it. He'll put your picture by his bed and call you just to say goodnight or because he is thinking of you. He'll look in your eyes and tell you you're the most beautiful girl in the world, and that he can't imagine his life without you, and that he loves you more than words could ever express, and when you find him you just know, AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE-YOU'LL BELIEVE IT!!!!" I guess I just have to trust God....trust that His plan for me is perfect....trust that He does have someone out there for me, even if I don't see or know that person right now. I've got to give it ALL to him, not just parts of my life. Cuz well, right now in life, as far as guys go, Charlie is the only guy that shows any interest.....he asks me to Snow Whirl EVERY day, and well, honestly.....I sure hope that's not the guy God has chosen for me :) :) :) Maybe I shouldn't say that, but I think I would go insane....even just going to Snow Whirl with him....I might kill myself by the end of the night!!! I guess I'll just wait and see......i'm NOT going with Charlie though!!! Well, time for bed. Life is pretty much good. Gotta go to school early so I can do my chemistry homework. Forgot all about it!!! Ooops! I'm such a responsible student....I came home, got on the computer, cleaned my room, ate, covinced my mom to take me shopping, came home, and at 10 realized I still have homework!! Wow. Oh yea, but I went up 100 points on my SAT scores!! YAY! Except my score still makes me stupid :-) Oh well. It's good enough for me. Current Mood: chipper (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 21st, 2004
8:53 pm	One last meet... Well, I guess I decided (by continuous pushing from my mother and sister) that I will run in the open race at semi-state, trying one last time to get under 20 minutes. I never dreamed I'd get as far as I have this year...at the beginning of the year, my goal was just to beat 21:35. And now I'm trying to get under 20 minutes. Amazing...for me anyway. I really want to make my goal. That would mean my cross country career could be complete, because as of now, I ended with a terrible race. Hopefully my foot will handle it! And if not, who cares. It's my last race. Kinda sad though. We'll see how it goes. But, I'm going to get 19:59 or better!!!!!!! Then I have to rush off right after my race is over and go babysit for 4 hours. Fun. But, then I get to go do something with my sisters. I know we're going to O Charley's because she's paying for me since I got 20:09 at my race for sectionals. We might use a blockbuster gift card, or else go shopping. Pretty much, a free evening of entertainment for me!!! How fun!!!!! I'm excited. Yes, Ashley, Mrs. Wendelboe should LOVE my answers for the desert survival paper! Everyone knows that out of 32 items, you would pick a lemon for your number one item for survival! DUH! And of course, what moron wouldn't choose to take 2,4,6trinitrotolulene? You'd have to be an idiot to leave that one behind! I can draw it!!! lol. I look forward to hearing her response about our creativity!!!!! Well, bedtime. One more day of school. Yay. Only 3 days next week!!!!!!!! Current Mood: sleepy (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 14th, 2004
5:27 pm	One more day....but it will last forever.... So I really can't stand pit. Today Lindsey noticed I seemed upset, and asked what was wrong. I didn't want to tell her, because I thought she would just get mad, but she dragged it out of me, and I started crying...something I really hate doing in front of people!!!! Luckily, it only lasted about 30 seconds! Basically, the pit does nothing, they don't care, Gen breaks something new every other day....ON PURPOSE!!!.....they never help get stuff out, they never help load or unload the truck, they are never ready when the song starts...they never do ANYTHING......but aside from all of that.... Genevieve treats me like I don't even exist. Today was the worst. As if I'm not frustrated enough with it all, Rachel walks out of the band room with me, and we're having a conversation, and Genevieve jumps in and grabs her away from me saying, "Rachel, you are definitley on my bad list!" Rachel says, "For what" Gen says, "You know exactly what you're doing" Oh my....what more can she do? Then, she wouldn't help get stuff out, well, she never does, but today, If I even went near her "group" of Megan, Lindsey, or Rachel, she'd find a way to start a conversation before I got there so I couldn't interrupt. I am not sure what I ever did to her. I accidentally pushed her with the marimba today..... accidentally, I promise!!!!! And she got really upset and almost yelled. She loudly said, "Excuse me would be appropriate, but you wouldn't do that." OH MY GOODNESS. I don't know how much longer I can stand it. Every day I just stand there, away from the rest of the group, because I don't want to make her mad. I don't want to interfere. Rachel comes and talks to me, I hardly ever go start talking to her, because I don't want Genevieve to be mad at me! but, she is. I don't know if she's jealous because she thinks I took Rachel away from her, but hte only reason Rachel ever started talking to me in the first place is because Genevieve basially ignored her for Miriam and Lindsey. I hate controversy. I hate it all. I am so sick of pit, and all of it. I mean, I love music, band, and playing all of the instruments, but I hate it when people are so mean to other people for no reason at all. How is it fair? How is it ok for her to completely abandon Rachel for Lindsey and Miriam, but it's not ok for Rachel to be my friend. Does she not want me to be happy? Is she just trying to say that no one in pit likes me, and she doesn't want me to have any friends at all, so Rachel cant like me either? Is she jealous that Rachel is talking to me now instead of her? Because, well, people are allowed to have more than one friend! Just because Rachel talks to me doesn't mean she doesnt' like Gen anymore! I just dont' understand. I hate mean people!!! And I guess that right now, I am one of them, so I should hate myself, but I don't even know what i did wrong. So yes, Alex and I were very excited today when it was basically the last day of pit. However, even after pit is over, I have a feeling this problem will continue. Rachel will still talk to me, Gen will still try to pull her away every chance she gets (she does it EVERY day at lunch...on the way to 4th period..Rachel and I leave together, talking, Gen grabs Rachel away from me). Nothing will change. She will still act like I don't even exist. I won't have to watch her sit around and do nothing during pit. I won't have to watch her not care, not improve, and try to show off by breaking things on purpose and playing ridiculously high, but I'll still have to watch her try to take one of my only friends away from me. Sorry, this was a really long entry about nothing. I just had to let it all out. I hate it!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry that it was so boring! Aside from all that, Saturday is going to be fun. Cross country regionals, where I'm going to get by best time ever!!!!!! Then, in a matter of like 35 minutes, somehow, we're going to drive from Noblesville to Carmel, change into our uniforms in the car, eat lunch in the car, and make it to the regional band competition by 11:39. We're meeting them at the football field....how close can we cut it? I think it will be fun...stressful, but fun, because I love both things, except for well, Gen....and occasionally Megan. Dinner time, plus this is way too long already!!!! Gotta study HARD for chem tonight because even when I do study, I have no idea what the questions on the test are even asking!!! I'm nervous about this final! But on my other two finals I did amazing, so that's good. Anyway, time to eat. Sorry for the length...no one probably read it all the way through anyway :) Current Mood: exhausted (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, October 8th, 2004
8:48 pm	Good, bad, GREAT! Well, that's about how my day went. Everything was wonderful...Chris even made my day by giving me his trail mix stuff and snickers bar! Then, I had to go to bad. As always, that wasn't so great...I talked to Rachel, and Genevieve interrupted. Then, there was the low point of the day. Walking back from lunch... Genevieve looks at Rachel and says, "Have fun tonight.....alone!" Rachel replies, "I won't be alone, I'll be with Betsy!!" Genevieve answers, "EXACTLY!" To which I respond, "Yea, I'm not right here or anything." Genevieve...."What, it wasn't mean or anything." Me: "Not mean? I'm pretty sure that was definitely an insult." Gen: "Who cares, don't get mad. I didn't mean it." Me: "Then why'd you say it?" Gen walks to her locker. So that was a fun conversation, only to be followed by math, where I sit behind her. She said she wanted to "discuss" the issue. She told me I couldn't be mad at her because first of all, it wasn't mean, and second of all, she didn't mean it. Well, in my opinion, it was definitely mean, but why should I care? I already know she doesnt like me....this comment just seemed to make it more obvious. I know this is just a really stupid thing to get mad over, so hopefully I'll just forget about it and be fine. It just seemed that she was really letting out how she feels about me....because apparently hanging out with me is like hanging out alone. Then she said she was just upset that we didn't invite her. Well, why is it so awful for us not to invite her, but when she invites every girl in pit except me to do stuff last Friday night, its ok? I don't understand her reasoning there. Oh well. I just need to stop. Then, the day got better. We swam in cross country, then ran. It was all ok. Mr. Kendall yelled a lot, but he made it fun after that. He's a funny guy. Then I went to Riley Days with Rachel, and there's lots of new stories from that experience!!! We listened to Veggie Tales Silly Songs all the way there and home!!!! Then I went to the candy store to buy candy for the cross country team because we have sectionals Tuesday....well, you know how I am at candy stores....I go crazy!!!! I spent 16 dollars on candy!!! .......AT THE DOLLAR STORE!!!!!!! Needless to say, I will once again have a large supply of strawberry candies and sour patch kids (actually, the dollar store ones are called Sour Rude Dudes) in my locker!!! Feel free to come and get some! :) Tomorrow I have SAT's. UGH. What if I do WORSE than the first time? I think I'm scared. Then we get to go to OCharleys because Mr. Sternberg told us to go eat and have a good time relaxing....then to come to band late. So hey, if he tells us to, of course we're gonna take his advice. Alex, I'm sorry I acted like everyone else in band today. I really need to do better, and now that Rachel actually likes me, and I have a friend to talk to in pit (other than you, who when I talk to you, they get suspicious!! :) :), its harder to just stop listening to her when she's talking, or stop talking when for once I actually have stuff to say . But I'll work on it. . . just remember..it's almost over!!! But, if you think positively, I bet band will go WONDERFULLY tomorrow!!! :) :) :) Well, since I have SAT's in the morning....I must go to sleep! Current Mood: ecstatic (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 7th, 2004
8:38 pm	FAGICAL CHEM Mairy MOTHER GOD!!! Oh my, chemistry was fun. Mrs. Wendelboe gets more and more excited about the mole fairy tale every year! Last year it was good, but this year it made my day! She went on and on, and kept messing up, saying, Fagical Chem Mairy Mother God instead of Magical Chem Fairy God mother. It was very amuzing. I love that lady! Chemistry is a different matter, but hey, I love the teacher! Well, as for pit....I hate it! I dont know how much longer I can last. Like Alex said, I wanted to just explode. I guess he got to express some of his feelings, and I just kept them in, but sooner or later I wish I could just tell them (mainly HER) how I feel. She's not perfect. No one is. She didn't get a 99 in speech because she didn't deserve one...not because Mrs. Stadler is biased! Oh, and maybe during warm-ups, she wouldn't have to yell at us to not rush if she didn't change the speed all the time. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like she either speeds up or slows down the whole way through! And she would never even know that we were starting the song if she didn't hear us play the first note on the drum....she's never there when the song starts! She didn't play half the time today because she just kept talking. OH MY! I wish I was a person, like her, that could just say what I felt. She, being the perfect person she is, can say whatever she wants to whomever she wants and be ok with it. I however, am not like that. I wish I was, in this case, because I'd yell at her! Oh well, pit is almost over.... Cross country is good again :) I guess it's just a day-to-day thing.....sometimes Mr. Kendall kills us and makes us all hate him....other times he's nice. As of now, it's good again,and I enjoy it! Well, it's 8:43, and wow, I could actually go to bed now if I'd stop writing and get off the computer. That would be absolutely amazing!!!!! I think I might just do that.....Fun weekend ahead....Riley Days with Rachel, long night's sleep....SAT's Saturday morning, O Charleys with Amber and Laura, my test-taking pals, then band all day (which is fun except for well, everything I just talked about). Then Sunday, church and then huge spaghetti dinner at my house! YAY FOR GOOD FOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Before I go, I just want to make note of the fact that right now, I"m actually rather happy. I think as long as I'm not in pit, I can be a happy person! . . . sometimes that is. I'm working on it though!! Current Mood: bouncy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 6th, 2004
5:01 pm	What's one to do? I wrote this in diaryland, but I'll write it briefly here....what is a person to do when the ONLY good thing about life turns bad? I'm so frustrated....today cross country just stunk. And I'm supposed to go to band regionals instead of running in cross country regionals....the LAST cross country meet of my life. How am I supposed to choose? Anyway, aside from that....I dont know how much more pit I can take. Today I just wanted to cry afterwords. I think I'm just too emotional, and I just care too much. Everything they did just made me so mad. I mean, I know I'm not perfect, and I know that I"m just as bad as they (well basically she) is, because I'm talking behind her back, but I can't take it! Rachel is pretty much the only one in pit trying to be friends with me...of the girls that is....Isaiah and Spencer talk to me every day...lucky me :) But every time Rachel starts talking to me, Genevieve has to run over as quickly as she can and interrupt. Which might be ok if she interrupted to talk to both of us, but no.....she practically ignores the fact that I'm even alive. Today I was teaching Rachel how to play The "Entertainer" on the marimba. We were almost done and Gen came over and said, "what are you learning? Teach me too!" Rachel said, "have Betsy teach you...she taught me and I dont know it very well yet." So I started teaching, and Genevieve just turned around, ignored me, and asked Rachel again if she'd teach her. When we play the drum at opening set, she talk to Lindsey the whole time, but never says a word to me. I just don't understand it because not too long ago, I tried to tell her I felt like we weren't the best of friends, and that I wanted to change that and be better friends with her. She seemed concerned...until she then decided that I was only doing that to get attention, and ever since then, she has been ignoring me. I'll ask a question in math class, and she won't answer it. She used to wait for me before speech and math, now she just walks right by. Alex offered to sit at a different table with me today, because I was really dreading going to ours, but I know if I leave, they'll just talk about me the whole time. I shouldn't care if they do. I'm talking about them, so I'm just as bad as they are. If Amber left to sit at a different table, I might go after her....but I can't be the first one to leave. I just hate it! I thought I was trying so hard to be her friend, and all she does now is ignore me. How is asking her to be my friend trying to get more attention? I don't know what I"m supposed to do. It's like even the little things that shouldn't bother me drive me insane now. Everything I see in her makes me so mad!!!!!!!!! Like when she tried to smart off to Laura. And when she ignores me. And when she acts like she's the leader, but in reality, if it were up to her to lead the pit, we'd be inside on the chairs all day doing absolutely nothing! And then, when I tell her its time to go out, she won't believe me, so she turns and asks Alex if it's time. I dont know what to do. Do I just stop caring? Do I continue trying to be her friend? The problem here is, I could just stop caring altogether, and be happy that I'm at least good friends with Rachel....but basically, Gen won't let me be friends with Rachel...every time we start talking, she comes and steals her away from me!!!! I dont know what I'm supposed to do, or what I did to be treated this way.....was I mean to her? Did I do something to her that makes me deserve this? Because if that's the case, then fine. But I"m not aware of anything. So what do I do about it? Well that's enough about that. I just had to get it all out because it's driving me insane! I really don't cry very often, at least not in front of people, but I was awfully close to it today after pit! Time for dinner then church! We'll see how that goes. Anyway, I'm done for now. Current Mood: sad (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 5th, 2004
10:05 pm	Positive thoughts! Well, positive thoughts...positive thoughts.... so....on that note....LIFE IS GOOD!!! Life is GREAT!!! Actually right now, I do feel pretty happy, for whatever reason. Some things are bad, but maybe I'm thinking about those brownies on the counter :) Anyway, no time to write...I wrote a little more in diaryland. Just keep smiling, because life is good! Current Mood: exhausted (Comment on this)
Thursday, September 30th, 2004
9:24 pm	Oh my. Not much time, but, ugh. Just frustrated with everything....pit....oh my. No time to write about it, but, it's pretty irritating right now. School in general....I never want to do my homework anymore. I come home, and do so much other stuff that I never get it done! Now its 9:30 and I still haven't started it! Cross country is going very well. I plan to get my best time ever Saturday morning at conference, and Mr. K said I was dependable. That made me hapy! So, I'd say cross country is about the best thing in my life right now...too bad its almost over. I only have at the most, 3 cross country meets left in my life. So sad...really. I now LOVE cross country....and its almost over .....FOREVER! That really makes me sad. But on the postive side, for these last three meets, I'm going to try to get records and amaze myself yet again!! :) I'm only 2 seconds away from my goal of getting under 21 minutes, so we'll see. Time for homework. I really need to start it! Current Mood: frustrated (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, September 27th, 2004
8:41 pm	COUNTY MEET! Wow, basically right now all I feel is nervousness (is that even a word?) Well, that and excitement. Tomorrow is a big day in cross country. It's the county meet at GCHS and we are supposed to win. I'm on JV, but we are supposed to try to win the JV meet also. I"m supposed to get my best time ever, which will be really difficult after being sick all weekend, and feeling completely drained. I need to get motivated. Right now, I'm just REALLY nervous!!! But it should be exciting. And on Saturday, at the conference meet at New Pal, my old sunday school teachers will be there. That makes me happy. So, all in all, last night when I said life stinks....maybe I was just kidding. Ok, I'll admit, I wasn't the happiest person at school today, actually I was just very upset all day, and maybe I will be tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, but as of now, when I'm not at school, things are great. School, on the other hand, just really doesn't help life any. Today really didn't help. I still just feel like I have no friends to talk to! Gen and Megan and Lindsey really don't help. Gen says she talks to me, but in all reality, she doesn't. She talks to me when other people aren't around, but the minute a "better friend" comes along, she ignores me. That's how it is with everyone. Oh well. I should be used to it by now. Maybe I just need to find new friends that will actually include me in their conversations and pretend to care. Rachel's good at including me, but only when Gen isn't there. So there you have it. If you see me upset at school, that might be why. Otherwise, I'm wonderful! And nervous!!!! But, its time for bed. Gotta sleep well before county!!! Current Mood: nervous (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 26th, 2004
9:19 pm	First one Well, I dont really know why I'm writing in here and in Diaryland, or if I'll keep using both, or what, but Ashley told me to use this, so here I am. I'm not sure what to write right now. As I just finished telling Alex....I wish that I could just tell my mind to stop thinking. Sometimes I think the only reason I get so upset is just because I sit there and think about things for the longest time, and if I could just stop thinking, I'd be a lot better off! And that is what I need to do right now...stop thinking. But, we all know there's not just a magic switch that we can turn on and off when we want to or don't want to think about something. I think about how I think I'm too quiet, and boring, and well, about a lot of other things as well, that I really don't feel like sharing right now. So that's that I guess....nothing too exciting.     I went to church tonight (after missing it this morning for steel drum band, which was a lot of fun, except for that was the cause of much of my thinking..... and Ashley, Both of Them is the best!!!!)...anyway....tonight was a concert. It was the most amazing piano player I've ever heard in my life. I love playing the piano, and hearing this man just made me want to play even more. I need to start taking lessons again as soon as cross country is over and I have time. I love music, and especially the piano!!! I think maybe I decided that I want to do something having to do with music for my career, I just don't have any idea what. Then, there's still the option of being a math teacher, or anything else for that matter, so ok, maybe I really still have no idea! Grr, I hate being a senior...too many choices!     I should have gotten off here a long time ago and started my homework that I haven't done any of all weekend because I've had absolutely no weekend. But.....I like talking to people, and when I'm talking to people online, I'm not sitting alone thinking. Sitting in my room by myself gives me too much time to think, and only leads to bad things.     So there you have it....life stinks when you think! At least right now, for me, life stinks. I dont know if it means anything to anyone when you hear me say that cross country is probably the highlight of my life right now, but I think that's pretty pathetic considering all the trouble I've had with it over the years. It seems to be the only thing going even halfway decent. So, yea, sometimes life just stinks. I guess everyone has times in life when they arent happy, so it's nothing unusual....I just need to be positive and figure out how to be happy again, because its much more fun. I keep saying that, but never figure it out. Sometime I should stop saying it all the time, and actually do it!!!!!     Well, time to study so I don't completely fail tomorrow. No morning practice for the first time ever on Monday!! YAY!!! Oh yea, the county meet is on Tuesday night at Greenfield Central High school. Yay for cross country!! I'm going to get my best time ever....and if I don't, then well, cross country might not be the highlight of my life anymore. You should ALL come and watch because cross country is the most exciting sport ever!!!!! Oh yea, and our team is going to win (even though I'll be on JV). Anyway, study time. Current Mood: pessimistic (Comment on this)